Coping with Stress

 

Few things in life are more stressful than divorce.  Most people going through divorce experience a wide range of emotions.  Sometimes the feelings come and go in waves.  Other times the feelings feel like they are taking over completely and you may doubt your ability to cope.  Common feelings include anger, grief, guilt, desperation, fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, as well as excitement, lightness, and relief.

 

Fortunately, we know that many people have survived divorce, and even found themselves thriving in ways they would never have imagined.  There is hope out there and there are great ways to effectively reduce the stress in your life.

 

One of the most important things you can do is recognize the importance of taking care of yourself.  Many women find that they spend so much time taking care of others that they never find the time to take care of their own emotional, spiritual, and physical needs.  When this continues, women find themselves stretched to the point that they can no longer help those around them and are left feeling inadequate and guilty.  Rather, learn to recognize the importance of self-care in the overall well being of your entire family.

Becoming single again, especially when you have children to care for, minimizes the time you have left to yourself.  However, even a small moment to oneself can have wonderful rejuvenating effects.  Find what works for you and your life, but do find something.

 

Some examples are:

Taking a long shower or bath

Renting a “chick flick”

Literally taking time to Smell the Roses, Lilacs, or whatever  flower is in bloom

Wearing a new perfume

Silently watching your children play

A phone call to your best friend

Getting up early to have a cup of coffee by yourself

Getting up early to have a cup of coffee by yourself

Singing or listening to music ( I Will Survive always works!)     Prayer

 

There are other ways to decrease your stress level that are very effective but may require a little extra planning and scheduling.  You will find that it is well worth the effort and may not be as difficult as you anticipated.

 

Some ideas are:

Regular exercise.  Exercise classes are great for  this!

Progressive muscle relaxation.  There are many books and CDs available to guide you.

Deep breathing exercises (easy to do no matter where you are)

Reduce/eliminate nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine

Plan for certain events that you know will be stressful.

Regular outings/activities with friends

Individual counseling

Learning to say “No”

Getting or staying involved with church activities

Getting involved in singles groups

Sometimes your feelings may just being getting the best of you.  Remember to practice forgiveness;  not only those around you, but with yourself.  Divorce is a time of extreme transition, but every change is also an opportunity for growth.  You can successfully manage this transition and find ways to thrive.

 

For more ideas about coping with stress, you may want to read Divorce Matters at www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1637.pdf